Keeping my eyes where they should be...

Busy week planned. Monday are the kids dental appointments, Tuesday is a birthday party, and Lindsey, my niece, comes in to spend two weeks with us, Wednesday CT scans and MRI, Thursday two different doctor appointments (for me), and Friday so far nothing. The days are filling up quickly. I also need to get my eyes checked and get my radiology simulation appointment, and get my colonoscopy. By the time I get done with all this medical treatment, there won't be one square inch of me that hasn't been poked, proded, looked at or medicated in some way. I am so sick of all these doctor's appointments.

I must admit that after my last treatment, I was back to feeling sorry for myself again. I'm feeling like "why me" again. I know it is just the chemo talkin' and can almost set my clock by it. But now I feel energized. I feel indestructable and purposeful and hopeful. This morning I got a kick in the spiritual behind. I realize I have been seeking healing from the world, from doctors. It's easy to do when you are just living from one appointment to another. I'm so sick of hearing about another cancer diagnosis and the hurt and destruction it can do to a family. We are all looking to the medical community to heal us, and I guess got sucked in as well. I need to keep my eyes fixed on God. Modern medicine is good, but God is infinate. I can't let my eyes waiver. I sat in church this morning and jotted a few things down - Apart from God, we can do nothing; I need the Word everyday - spiritual food. Even when we spend a short amount of time away from Him, the devil uses that time to sneak in. Letting in doubt, pity, weakness, hopelessness. I know healing comes from God. I won't let the doubt come in, my healing is in God's hands, I have no control. I ordered myself some Joel Osteen CD's to listen to in the car. He's a great preacher that I love to listen to. Keep your eyes on Him! That's what I need to remember. I let too much of the world in, I need to let more of the WORD in!