I'LL BE GLAD IN IT!!

During the diagnosis stage, waiting for the next test was excruciating. All I could think of was, "I'm going to die, my kids won't have a mother, I wonder if John will get re-married." (Of course, that sounds silly now.) Then I realized that God has a plan for me and that He actually answered my prayers through my agony.

I'm sure most mother's at some point say something through clenched teeth like, "Lord, please let me appreciate my children." Or maybe you're like me and say, "Lord, please give me my sanity so I can appreciate them more." I also had the neglected housewife syndrome (however real or imaginary) and said, "Please let my husband appreciate me and what I do." Usually I just say that directly to John, it usually goes over pretty well, (ha, ha). It's amazing how your outlook can change when going through a trial like this. My kids suddenly were absolutley true joy, my husband was my knight in shining armor.

And I said to God, "Thank you for this trial in my life. If I didn't go through this scare, I wouldn't have this appreciation in my life. Okay, God, I get it. Now I've learned my lesson, now the results will come back and be negative and I can get on with my life having learned my lesson."

"Sorry, it's invasive lobular carcinoma".

"Okay, God, but it's not in the lymph nodes. I've learned my lesson. This trial has brought me closer to You, my husband, family, friends. I can have surgery, radiation and be a "survivor.

"Sorry, you have it in one of the lymph nodes. You should do chemo."

It just seemed that I was shot down every step of the way. Throw all that you know out the window. I have no control. So here I am. Waiting for my hair to fall out. And you know what? I'LL BE GLAD IN IT!!!! God is working fantastic feats in my life everyday and I am BLESSED!!!

I was watching Saturday morning TV with my kids this past Saturday on TBN (Trinity Broadcast Network). Alot of those morning cartoons are too violent or scarey for my taste so I try to put it on Christian TV for the kids whenever it is on (of course they want to watch Power Rangers and Rugrats). Between all the screaming and jumping and fighting I actually got to watch some of the show. (Obviously, they didn't. ) The lesson was "I'll be glad in it". These days, I feel everything is taylor made for me. I'LL BE GLAD IN IT!!